Deductive proof of SNL's Hillary bias

Amongst myriad story lines of the current and deliciously debilitating Democratic candidates' steel cage match, a recent twist is that Sen. Barack Obama has been subjected now to tighter scrutiny due to 'Saturday Night Live' (SNL) poking fun at his allegedly light treatment under the media's gaze. They have lampooned, in fact, the networks as literally fawning over the pride of Illinois (and Hawaii) while raking the estimable Sen. Hillary Clinton over the proverbial coals in a kind of reverse gender bias. This cover-fire effort on SNL's part is clever admittedly, but it cannot mask their obvious pro-Hillary tilt proven by, as I will demonstrate, the comedic gold mine they have deigned to decidedly swerve away from on the highway of hijinks that usually is their main avenue. The full shame of the episode is the fulsome quiver of delightful barbs we have missed enjoying as a result.

What are you babbling about, old man? I may never have brought Mel Brooks a fresh copy of the "Wall Street Journal" with a bagel (as was his habit to walk into work with religiously per a couple of 'Your Show Of Shows' writers interviewed for a documentary), but you don't have to be a Sid Caesar alum nor a Texas School Book Depository conspiratist to realize that 'Saturday Night Live' has avoided the best bit possible in an effort to not hurt candidate Hillary's chances. For your sarcastic pleasure, take yourself back to a day after the South Carolina primary and imagine the following phone exchange between Senator and former President Clinton as a not yet ready for prime time sketch on that show which begins quite late on the sixth day of most weeks:

HC (Hillary Clinton): "Bill, Bill, are you there ..."

BC (Bill Clinton): "I'm here, Senator, heh, heh ..."

HC: "Look you moon pie-suckin' moron, let me be blunt. If you can't say something helpful, then go back to your old habit of stuffing Big Macs in that fat mouth of yours. I need you denigrating Obama's win like paid advice from Rush Limbaugh. Make one more crack comparing his win in South Carolina to Jesse Jackson's and I'll leak it that the stars & bars are prominently tatted on your own sagging ass!".

BC: "I'm sorry, Hill, it's just ... "

HC: " ... and stop calling me 'Hill'! A hill is negative; no one wants to go up one, idiot. You start getting on-track or I'll drop your fat ass before this election ends plus I'll still pick-up even more women's votes, if that's possible, and a slice of Christain house fraus when I ball my eyes out during the obligatory Barbara Walters interview!"

BC: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me."

HC: "Leave you, that's the least I could do and just you remember that. If you don't get your butt in gear and start helping me, you'll be lucky I don't go on QVC with Gennifer Flowers as my model for a pant suits line sporting a sewn-in side pocket to house the taser gun that I should have pumped in your love pocket after your post-radio address sessions with that chunky tart. It makes me sick, Mr. Man Stain, that I have to stay with such a pathetic peckerhead like you in order to be the first woman president, but your ass is grass if I don't pull it off. You got it, blubber boy!"

BC: "I understand, Hill .. ary, I'm sorry."

HC: "Aw, shut up. Just listening to you makes me want to wretch worse than when Pat Moynihan tried to cop a cheap feel. It's bad enough none of your staff I hired knows jack any- more about running a campaign. Now go out there, keep it in your pants until post-election and try not to say anything else too stupid for at least a month. Comprende, Senor Punta?"

BC: "Yes, Ma'am ..."

HC: Click.

Adding in the appropriate wardrobe and good imitations, this is an obvious bit to have done and keep adding to as the Presidential race progressed. One could even work-in Senator Obama, as Barack bemoans his own bride becoming more than a bit strident in denouncing past American transgressions regarding racial policies. Just as the Illinois Democrat was finishing-up his complaint about such in the make-up room before a debate, our persecuted heroine could come striding in at full bileous throttle.

HC: "Look Rezko, Jr., don't bitch to me about toting some excess baggage. I got a two hundred pound plus overblown male libido hangin' around my neck like a friggin' albatross. I'd give a Congressional Medal of Honor to any nut job that would just put a cap in his cheatin' fat ass so I could pull the right strings to keep him in a medical coma until well after my re-election campaign was in the bag."

The possibilities are endless. Threats by Hillary of putting Bill on display in the East Room with only a presidential seal for a jock strap and the official Camp David dog collar should he continue to fail towing the line ... and the hits just keep comin'! We've already seen the spoof of Hillary being an automaton hardwired by evil programmers for world domination, lets now, please, explore her 'General Patton with a hangover' side. Through deductive reasoning alone it's palpably obvious that 'Saturday Night Live' has consciously chosen not to pursue this satirical line of attack in order to, in their own small way, enhance the New York Senator's chances vis-a-vis the decidedly, over the long term, less ripe for riposte Mr. Obama. Quelle c'est horrible!

As my Latin teacher would say, "Quad eratum demonstratum".