Bring back Bubba!

One need not topple Rasputin's tea cup, Comrade, to see this one in the still damp leaves. Let me splain, Ricky, but, first, I must digress.

When your faithful correspondent was a mere tadpole and presidential aspirants talked incessantly about the "misery index" needing to not continue curling upwards like a Wehrmacht era Bavarian pretzel run amok, there was a new invention called HBO - Home Box Office - which ran for a solid eight hours daily with second run movies and a modicum of original programming. In the latter category were nightclub tapings of some now lost Borscht Belt and other smoke-filled room veterans doing then so-called 'blue' material [My favorite being Redd Foxx - a.k.a. 'Fred Sanford' - colorfully instructing one bleary-eyed patron on the attention-getting properties of slamming your hand in a car door]. There was, however, one original comedy show - Not Necessarily The News - and it had a recurring bit that brought my pre-pubescent self to howling joy with each new installment.

Starting off with an ominous voice behind movie thriller soundtrack strains, the bit would cut from the pictures of various world leaders menancing the U.S. and ask rhetorically whether any of a roster of then current (and implied insipid) American politicians had the chutzpah (or substitute your own ethnic phrase) to stand-up to this collection of global malcontents. Then - switching to a Sousa inspired march for its conclusion - the voiceover always would annouce in triumph that, "There is only one solution for times like this". At this point the bold-faced phrase BRING BACK DICK! would run along the bottom of a screen filled by the now ubiquitous shot of the ole Trickster giving his double V sendoff from Marine 1, the Presidential helicopter. Regrettably to the Pat Buchanan brigade of the party's former Franco-like PR division, that is the image now indeliably seared into the public imagination rather than natty sartorial snaps such as one to right (where candidate R.N. obviously is cementing the Eisenhower electorate's dog track/paramutual-betting wing by donning that year's entry from the always stylish Lucky Luciano collection).

The bit was funny because it had the ring of truth - a precondition for much of successful comedy. Just as Freud wrote that many (hostile) things start as a joke, our most holy secular humanist apostle - Spock of Star Trek - was most insightful when, explaining an action taken, he retorted, "Only Nixon could go to China". Nixon could do so due to 30 years in the trenches as a staunch anti-Communist, a personal history intertwined with exposing Whittaker Chambers and, therefore, not have to be being afraid of suffering the slings of being called "soft" on Reds. He was Goldwater-proof and could, with impugnity, play diplomatic top spin versus Chou En Lai across a ping pong table of 1970's 'shuttle' diplomacy without sending potential shudders of sell-out through the Republican ranks.

All this, colleagues, is preamble to why the multitudes should gleefully support nomination of the junior U.S. Senator from New York, Hillary R. Clinton, to be the successor (and consecutive distaff for first time in history) Secretary of State to the then very young lady pictured right with her Mom. Forget, for now, the bigger pants suit picture of how someone who thought John McCain was qualified to be President based on foreign policy but her then primary nemesis, 'Barry' Obama, was - most definitely - not. Also put aside, temporarily albeit, notions of Hillary prank-calling the private residence preciously @ 3:01 AM the first full day in office to reassure Barack that she was awake/ready should anything significant happen while he slumbered. No, no, fellow marauders of sarcasm, think through the scenario just a few more steps and see the landfill of amusement that awaits us all should the real 'Rod' deign to serve under Obama.

By the laws of the great Empire State, her current Governor, David Patterson, is allowed to name Clinton's successor as United States Senator. If memory serves, Hillary has four years left on her seat, so the replacement will have a mirror term to the new Obama Administration. Although Bill could not pass the vetting needed to join Barack's cabinet (and Hilary might barely squeak through due to association with him), the clear choice would then be our former President as the new Senator from New York. Hear ye, hear ye and let the pigeons loose!

Why, dear boy, is this so important? Because, Falstaff, there is a new menance about to enter the national political scene via the world's most deliberative body and only the winning charm, personal erudition and almost Oprah level of empathy that our former grand leader possesses - even to the admission of his staunchest critics - can provide the antidote required. Although WJC made many a misstep during the last election cycle on behalf of his better half, his political instincts will come back quicker than riding a bicycle once Arkansas' former pride returns to daily Washington back-slapping, horse-trading & general legislative hijinx.

As we lick chops over the delicious image of Bill - no doubt posted to Foreign Affairs amongst several assignments - putting his own bride on the testimonial hot seat during committee hearings, up way north the true trans-Siberian titan of politics (plus recent federal convict), U.S. Sen. Ted Stevens, clings to a solid four digit lead in his reelection recount for the Alaskan seat recently contested. Based on a low ratio of actual voters to, say, sled dogs, that lead will stand and one of the few in the Senate who makes West Virginia's Robert Byrd look almost vibrant by comparison, will be returned to DC. Vowing not to allow him in the Republican caucus, Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky has given Ted S. few options other than cutting a deal with outgoing Pres. G.W. Bush for a last minute pardon to avoid reserving the Martha Stewart Danbury suite in exchange, one presumes, for surrendering his seat.

So? Whom does one think Alaskans would like/love to see replace the wizened Stevens? Which individual could encompass, as well, the unique message of a not too distantly supported state separatist party? [Calling 'Mr. First Dude', paging the 'Todd of Brioni suit catwalks' ... ] Who, in fact, has the actual authority to appoint that new individal? Hmmn? Bud, you got it ... 'Sarah The Barracuda'!

Imagine you're a muckety muck in the national Democratic party. Who do want mano-y-mano across the aisle and against the self-proclaimed "pit bull with lipstick"? Even if Al Franken pulls-out his Minnesota race, only SNL alum Tina Fey daily sitting by his side as a Legislative Aide would sufficiently bolster his testosterone to go really rhetorically hard into the boards with this Limbaugh All Star hockey mom. This time the peril is real and even a full throttle Hillary would come out bloodied badly from a steel cage Wal*Mart throwdown with the NRA's new permanent centerfold.

BRING BACK BUBBA!