If schadenfreude were net wealth, I'd be Warren Buffet right now!

Oh my. Ambien-induced sex with skank choir of not-so-stealth surrogates & all-capped by a cover-up not orchestrated this poorly since Betty Currie tried taking Monica's blue dress to dry cleaners!

Never liked Tiger; didn't dislike either. Found Eldrick boring in comments & too cautious/bland [Hah! (looking back)] for lack of public stands (such as not opposing Augusta exclusion of women). Also - per man's POV - his on-course behavior is poor. Cursing perturbs as kids hang on his every syllable, but it's his perpetual petulance at less than Zeus-like results which prove most grating.

What was obvious is Tiger has been constructing a public persona to project him beyond the golf realm, specifically into politics. Earl Woods, his father, admitted this. I had no truck with such; Tiger is a demonstrably intelligent chap. His plan to accomplish this lofty non-graphite ambition was carefully calibrated - only wholesome endorsements for El Tigre, a (vainly) self-named 'Foundation' focusing on children's education + a non-edgy public persona that oozed vanilla appeal.

Fine; "No harm, no foul". Point taken that a truly charitable person would not have set-up a whole other infrastructure to benefit public, but, instead, just would have cut a check to one of the hundreds of already-going good works concerns. Ulterior motives have their place to benefit the public weal, as Locke wrote, so this can slide. Turned-out however that another English chappy of yore, 'Mr. Shakey' of Public Theatre fame, would provide line which proves to have most penetrating (pun intended) insight into what this multicultural golfing phenom was really all about.

"She doth protest too much, me thinks", as the Old Bard once so famously wrote. Ah,yes. Perhaps that's why Tiger named his mega-yacht 'Privacy'? Makes one wonder how far back this appalling + pathetic pathology of arrogance extends [and what the hell he was thinking]?

Besides knowing Phil Mickelson somewhere is sitting in front of a wide-screen TV - his recovering wife's now non-cancerous bosom nestled next to his - and laughing his fat ass off, I'm hard-pressed to come-up with anything this extraordinary since ... really don't know. Pres. Clinton was a known womanizer, so Ms. Lewinsky's tryst didn't have a surprise factor. Only thing I can think of is situation if - while the famed aviator was still alive - existence of Charles Lindbergh's other/Deutschen family had been revealed. Being firm believer in schadenfreude - peculiarly German concept of taking delight in other's misfortune - must confess I haven't been this stoked since ... never. "And the truth shall set you free" ... maybe not, eh, Tiger?

That's all. Sometimes you just have to step back from the masterpiece and let minimalism + conjecture complete the canvas' deliciously ironic final strokes. Plus anymore mirth inducement might lead to some gents in surgical garb standing above me while bellowing, "Clear!". Such would negatively impede ability to witness the few further Bavarian pretzel turns I suspect this debacle still is set to yield.

Final parting/cheap shot: Understand EA has secured rights to new combo video game of 'Tiger Woods Golf' meets 'Grand Theft Auto'. In new set-up Tiger has to not only win U.S. Open, but "keep his pimp hand very strong" by smacking-down uppity wife while maintaining a reserve of "hush money" to silence ex-Bimbettes. Reported Eldrick also gets to "cap the ass" of any protesting PGA-ers with shank-like 2 iron. Scheduled to be out no later than 2010 Master's!