Sunday, March 21, 2010

Top Ten remarks heard by a "Flipper"

Recently my blushing bride has become a closer friend to a lady who prefers ladies. Of course your humble scribe has taken this development in the proper context – as possible welcome respite to his Caucasian mate’s seemingly near-jungle level libidinal drive. Ahem.

Hoping to fuel the possibility of a swerving of a sort, ever am I mindful now of data to support any potential crossover. Along those lines a recent TV show inadvertently provided manna to the proverbial gods when a young lass was evaluated in general for possible dating potential.

In the course of a rather saucy interview, the androgynous looking gal admitted that she was known to be a “Flipper”. This term – for the less than ‘Ellen Show’ hip amongst you – applies to a female switch-hitter who prefers prowling for prospective bedroom playmates in the opposing team’s locker room, so to speak. Apparently great relish is taken by said females from the act of “flipping” a heretofore straight lady to the Sapphic side of the ledger.

[Side note: Interestingly much of lingo used in TV show on subject was akin to describing how intelligence agents were “turned” back in Cold War's good old days. Of course in latter scenario the commentators were the ex-Ivy League boys from Langley. Hmmn.]

Based on above, your intrepid scribe has delved more deeply into this subject and can publish the 1st Top Ten list of well-known verbal reactions from the prey of “Flippers”. Below covers only those on U.S. continental shelf. I imagine inclusion of my former homeland to the north would necessitate at least one entry which referenced this year’s Y chromosome-less Canadian gold medal winning hockey team & threading a puck thru the pads with greater aplomb than Wayne Gretzky in his prime, but I needlessly digress.

#10 “Guess I shouldn't have made fun of my high school gym teacher.”
#9 “Do I have to like K.D. Lang now?”
#8 “I never knew it could be like this … ever!”
#7 “Death to the enslaving phallus!”
#6 “I still get to shave my armpits, right?”
#5 “If only my ex-boyfriend could see me!”
#4 “Will this improve my fashion sense?”
#3 “My God, what a cheap, cruel & meaningless lie I’ve been living!”
#2 “This won’t make me start buying Judy Garland CD’s, right?"

..., and a drum roll please, ...

#1 "Does this actually make me a lesbian?"

As pre-call girl D.A. Eliot Spitzer used to say in New York, "The Prosecution rests."