Making subordinates silently suffer (for one's own amusement)

Being fortunate (or maybe not) to have managed, at various levels, a number of people (though certainly far less than pole spreader, to left, Mr. Moses), I've derived a few lessons for personal enjoyment of the endeavor. Yes the job needs to be done well, but having a little fun (even if only for yourself) along the way is surely not a negative thing and - if parlayed properly - can be as welcome as the sight of an ice cream truck in Baghdad's Green Zone. Taken as a given when dealing with union and/or production people, the less said is better and communication should be as direct as Alec Baldwin leaving a voicemail for his daughter. However the white collar ranks subordinate to oneself offer a veritable cornucopia of sitting duck targets for sarcasm.

So lets delve concretely into this potential funbox, none better I'd say since "A Night At The Opera", of making mirth at the expense of your underlings' sense of psychological stability. My favorite target is the morning rejoinder to the poster child of hackneyed salutations - "How are you?" (and its myrid bastard offspring such as "How are you doin'?", "How's it goin'?", etc.). 'Good morning' is a perfectly fine phrase that imparts no obligation upon the receiptient other than a mirror response. It implies felicity and friendliness without feigned interest. Using tone can change its meaning far more greatly than any addition of verbiage. The brevitaciousness of it, examples efficiency and, additionally, is perfect for tossing off blithely while making time down a packed hallway without the need even to break stride.

But no, say the boob masses, to this economical and socially ecumenical salutation. 'Good morning' isn't good enough for the fake empathizers. Though one oft is not fully awake and/or in need still of the first AM java imbiment, this isn't excuse for said pikers to refrain from a feeble attempt of putting one on the psychological mat to attempt a quick well-being assessment of yourself. That they care not an iota, is not the point. Pre-conditioned to emit said greeting, anything other than an answered 'Fine', 'Great' or its ilk certainly will send them spiraling into confusion more fiercely than when Capt. Kirk revealed to a misguided VGER (sic Voyager) satellite he wasn't the ontologically correct "Creator". [A claim, incidentally, that he had not recanted the night before, one can presume, to some comely Yeo-woman, but ole James T. can be forgiven the lapse, I'm sure you'll agree, based on his previous path-breaking pursuit of amorous pleasure from a distaff member of the green-hued race (see above).]

So, in the spirt of doing a social good for the community, let me share my current Top Ten responses to subordinates silly enough to greet their grandiose and all-knowing Pooh-Bah with inquiry as to how I might be?

#10 - "Better than Tim Russert"

#9 - "More excited than Eliot Spitzer getting to ride bareback"

#8 - "Like the tumor grew another three inches just last night"

#7 - "What's it to you?"

#6 - "Pleased only that I have one less day managing people such as yourself"

#5 - "Better than you because I actually know how to do my job"

#4 - "Like Eva making tea & scones in the Bunker"

#3 - "Strangely saddened that I didn't stroke-out sometime after midnight"

#2 - "Shocked that in my dream last night you actually enjoyed what happened"

#1 - "Much like the Vietnamese after the fall of Saigon"

... and the hits just keep comin'!