Sunday, August 28, 2011

Z.L.P. (Zafig Lady Parade) on LPGA

Lingering in last post’s vein of acronyms + pro golf observations, your humble scribe has detected an unexpectedly delicious dual polarity firming-up on U.S. ladies professional golf circuit. Specifically I refer to discernible fault line gaping between non-Y chromo golfers’ opposing physiques & ethnicity: female gymnast-size Asians vs. Rubens-sculpted non-Orientals. This is battle of proportions not seen since Adm. Nimitz & Yamato slugged it out over a jut of Pacific terra firma called Midway!

Yes, the female pro tour is still known for trying to hawk the Barbie-like body images of Paula Creamer, Natalie Gulbis, Morgan Pressel, etc. as their main PR image. Michelle Wie - this week’s non-winner yet again - is hybrid (pardon golf pun) case in that she straddles Asian & surfer-girl ‘bod’ boundary. There are even European entrants as part of LPGA effort, for example, as likeness of Sandra Gal (right) can attest. The fact LPGA today is fully-stocked (especially vis-à-vis So. Koreans) by diminutive ( ... + hyper-smiling) gals with surname permutations usually including Choi, Lee, Kim and/or Park, is not an argument one needs to illuminate and/or enunciate except for most severely quasi-Helen Keller amongst today's golf fans.

There’s heifer-size shift, however, happening right by stack of clean plates at head of LPGA's buffet line which Sizzler Steak House masses are not yet appreciating – big gals are taking over, baby!

This is a ‘girl thing’ too, by the way. Though previously known as home to many landed sea mammals – including most notably Masters’ winner Craig Stadler (trying to don green jacket), whose girth + ‘70’s ‘stache literally got him permanent nickname of ‘The Walrus’ – men’s pro tour has gotten progressively ‘buff-er’ since Tiger’s advent. There are a few holdover chubs + upcoming odd ball on occasion, but lion’s share of stiff (golf) shaft wielders are junior Jack LaLanne’s.

Before I plunge down neck line of this weighty issue, let me first state I have been a certified ‘Size 8 (or more) Female’ fan club member for many a moon now. This sea change does nothing but float my LPGA-enjoyment boat that much higher. Mea culpa as to my rhetorical motives aside, I thought best to make the case for this delectable development by spotlighting some of these curvy up-and-comers from undetected, till now, Peter Paul Rubens’ subsection of ladies’ Daytona, FL qualifying school.

Brittany Lincicome: Star of plus size show right now, Brittany is longest hitter on LPGA, ranked #11 as of last week in 2011 money won, but … added Canadian Open – her 2nd win this year - to resume just today. No doubt average fan most often spies her shapely profile only to think ‘Bam’ – her nickname - is really fellow player of Nordic appearance, Suzanne Pettersen, after packing away more than few extra pounds. In reality, the 5’ 10” behemoth is completely different: home-schooled American who turned pro after high school & stylistically unable to find any shirts which stay tucked-in during her powerful follow-thru. Latter heavy cross to bear, but gal swings solidly nonetheless as photo left documents.

Amanda Blumenherst: Not yet fulfilling promise of her convincing 2008 U.S. Amateur win, the 24 year old is 5’ 9” Duke graduate & clocks-in presently @ #110 in world rankings. Her physical sturdiness has been evident since her NCAA days, but she is not nearly as long as fellow blonde bomber above, Ms. Lincicome. Instead a very deft short game has been this gal’s calling card thus far. Researching her briefly on internet, apparently Amanda B. is somewhat fond of minor league baseball or, more specifically, at least 1st baseman playing for Indianapolis affiliate. That this particular fact is amongst easiest found, one cannot help think, partial testament to lesbianism-phobia LPGA fights. It's bit of oddity though – from LPGA perspective – that none of zaftig club-swingers thus far has been identified as possible non-hetero.

Caroline Hedwall: Personal fav, 2010 NCAA Div. I champion while @ OK State (Rickie Fowler’s alma mater) & 2x 2011 Euro tour winner, Ms. Hedwall is on-course antithesis, in demeanor, of her underwear’s namesake (see left) & fellow Swede, Bjorn Borg. If the contest between these lovely lasses was on basis of ‘chunk-i-tude’, Caroline H. would be easy prize-winner. Watching her during just past Evian Masters in France, this buxom putter of suryln-based balls was aggressive in her play, animated when reacting to few wayward shots & very comfortable, it appeared, with her girlish girth. That she probably equals 2 Ai Miyazato’s on butcher’s scale, is all more ironic considering her unabashed + semi-flashy style. All anyone can say to such is succinct, “You go, big golf girl!”.

Lizette Salas: Bursting into national notice merely two months ago due to three solid (albeit not 4) rounds @ U.S. Women’s Open, Ms. Salas is inheritor of Nancy Lopez mantle for full-figured Latinas in sport of golf. Product of USC Trojans & possessor of solid collegiate career, Lizette now is toiling on LPGA Futures tour – equivalent of PGA’s Nationwide circuit. Her story is quite heart-warming; no facetiousness intended. Lizette's upbringing was extremely modest according to news stories, so much so that her Dad had to cobble together a 1st set for his daughter from cast-offs @ course where he worked in Maintenance Dept. Though lacking in certain material comforts, it appears thankfully that – in the words of a great philosopher, Sir Mix-A-Lot – “red beans & rice didn’t miss her” however. Sorry, couldn't resist. [I’ll be here all week; please try the veal.]

As soon-to-die Lt. in ‘Full Metal Jacket’ concludes to his platoon during No. Vietnamese soldier’s ‘birthday party’ scene, “These are great days, bro’s!”. Indeed, my fellow boon rat buddy, indeed.

In all seriousness, it’s a veritable pleasure to see – if I may say so in my semi-full maleness – normal size women excelling in sport, not having to hide behind their clothes & also puttin’-out a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ for all my brothers to admire! That overt chauvinism aside, these large lasses are markedly different than their counterparts of non-metal woods days gone by, e.g. 'Big Momma' JoAnne Carner or Laura Davies. Today's Z.L.P.-ers appear not to care a wit that they aren't size whatever. Form-fittin' duds? Bring it on! These birdie-hunters just want to kick some ass on the short grass, baby! :)

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